


respondence

by gamegirl1415



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Hinata Shouyou-centric, Hinata has panic disorder, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Its honestly just me projecting onto Hinata tbh, M/M, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, POV Hinata Shouyou, Panic, Panic Attacks, but uh, hinata is just tryin to survive, i guess it’s fluff??? Not really though???, kageyama Tobio is not good at uno, minor KageHina, natsu is annoyed, yuh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:00:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24106336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gamegirl1415/pseuds/gamegirl1415
Summary: Hinata has a panic attack
Relationships: Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou, Hinata Natsu/Hinata Shouyou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 1
Kudos: 178





	respondence

**Author's Note:**

> Quick self indulgent one shot, quarantine got me wildin.  
> OH ALSO UH,,, if you’re uncomfortable with panic attack descriptions don’t read this??? That’s the entire plot so I—

Hinata had been through this before, and he’d get through it again.

Restaurants had never been easy for him, anyway. As a child he was constantly on the move (and frankly, still is). Having to sit down for an extended period of time? Out of the question, he’d always hated it. Besides, most of the sit-down-restaurants didn’t have the good chicken strips, and those were practically all he consumed.

This, this was different, however. 

He didn’t remember when it started, he was so accustomed to it at this point, he didn’t even bother keeping track anymore.

But, he always knew when it was about to happen. Well, not always, but he was in a constant vigilance for them that it felt almost like he was jinxing himself by being hopeful.

This one, he hadn’t completely expected.

It had been a few weeks since his last panic attack. He was feeling optimistic. Every so often, the panic attacks would lull, for a few months or weeks, and it was almost normal again. But, they typically came back with a vengeance. So, he was constantly on guard, taking certain measures to protect himself. He stopped going to restaurants and movie theaters unless it was important for whatever reason. He’d always cave for his dad’s birthday (his father loved movies and restaurants, much to Hinata’s dismay).

He hates it, he used to love going out and just doing things. Now, sometimes he can’t even leave the house.

Occasionally he’ll wonder what life would be like if he’d never had panic attacks. Would he still be reluctant to leave the house? Could he enjoy certain things he can’t even look at now? Would he have more friends, see more things, be happier?

None of it mattered, because he existed here and now, and here and now did not consist of a panic-attack-free-Hinata.

It was February 26th, sometime in the late afternoon, and Hinata was at a ramen bar.  
His grandmother’s birthday celebration, nothing big, just a small family gathering, when the first wave hit.

A small but impactful tremor of fear hit him full-force mid bite. He sat there for a second, waiting for it to pass, not daring to move an inch. It did, slowly, and he carefully continued chewing, suddenly becoming hyper-aware of his surroundings.

So many things could happen in that moment. What if a criminal came in with a gun? What if his grandma somehow found out he was in a relationship with kageyama? What if they could read his mind right now and could see all the things he had done? What if—

He stopped. No, no he was not going to spiral.  
He continued making his usual cheery appearance, praying that that was all, and it was over.

It was not. The next few minutes were spent trying to convince himself he wasn’t going to have a panic attack. Not here, not now, no. He was going to be fine, it was going to be fine.

Then, after things had seemingly calmed down enough, he choked after drinking water and had to excuse himself. Hands clutching roughly to the thin material of his jacket, he stepped into the men’s bathroom. It was empty, and Hinata sighed in relief.

He looked at himself in the mirror and ran a clammy hand through his hair. 

‘Not today, not now.’ He repeated like a mantra, maybe, if he repeated it enough, he’d actually believe it one day.

He ran his hands under the tap’s cool water, splashing some on his face. Feeling a little more like himself, he stepped back outside to join his family.

He took back his previous seat next to Natsu, who was annoyed at Hinata’s sudden jittery nature in the middle of their dinner. She huffed slightly, and reached across the table to retrieve a long forgotten crayon, when her arm accidentally bumped into her drink. Glass cup clinking softly against the table cloth, and water gushing partly over Natsu’s sweater and partly on the restaurant floor.

That was the moment his panic attack struck. He’d made it all night, up until that moment. A simple glass of water and the sound of ice hitting ice was all it took for Hinata to roughly grasp the hem of his shirt. He sat there again, frozen, fearing if he moved even an inch the panic might worsen, despite knowing it was at its peak in that moment. He was sharply shoved by Natsu, who was trying to help wipe the spill, giving Hinata an annoyed glance and a ‘why don’t you help us, idiot?’ look.

He just feebly shook his head. He couldn’t speak, only moving to clutch his jacket zipper, anything to ground himself.

But he knew, at that point, it was useless. He was entirely engulfed in panic with seemingly no end. What if this panic attack didn’t end? What if this was the one that finally never went away?

He gave a sharp glance to his dad, gripping his shoulder. 

“We need to go.” He breathed shakily, just trying to convey the message to his father.

His parents knew he had panic attacks, had known for a while, and yet, still never seemed to know just how to deal with him when he was like this.

“Well, just let us pay the check, do you want to sit outside?” His dad said, concern clinging to his voice. 

Hinata nodded, practically jumping out of his seat to exit the restaurant. 

Once outside he exhaled heavily, fresh air was always nice. He sat down on the cold sidewalk cement and mournfully held his head in his hands.

It will pass, it always does.  
It will pass, it always does.  
It will pass, but, what if it doesn’t?

His brain felt fried, too many thoughts invading at once.  
He took a shaky breath and decided to distract himself by texting kageyama.

Hinata: Hey, r u studying?

Kageyama: What? Why would I be studying boke? Waht do you need?

Kageyama: *what 

Hinata: [letsplayuno]

Kageyama: you always win at uno, can we play something else for once?

Hinata: nope :D

Kageyama: fine.

Kageyama: [letsplayuno]

They played for a few minutes, Hinata won again, much to Kageyama’s dismay, but Hinata felt a lot better than before.  
A few minutes later his family emerged, asking him if he was okay. Which he of course responded with a quick  
“Yup.” and a small smile.

Hinata had been through this before, and despite not knowing when it will end, he’d get through it again.

**Author's Note:**

> Just to clarify a little, this is somewhat how I experience panic attacks, not exactly, and sometimes it’s different depending on the circumstance but y’know whatever,,, this is just me projecting onto a character I can relate to, I’m sorry ༼ ╥ ل ╥ ༽


End file.
